Paining to much & fire in belly

AMBER2 Allocated (45YO Male Abdo Pain)

It being an Amber Call (Potentially Life Threatening)we had to respond on lights and sirens. We arrived at the front door of a house with two mercs on the drive. Just about to knock on the door and the it magically opened in front of us with a creek and a little eye peering behind the door welcomed us in. The patient who had opened the door to us had apparently been in so much pain that he had to call 999. We did a set of Observations on him then poked and prodded his belly. No pain! He explained (this text in verbatim) "Paining to much, much paining in belly. Feeling like fire in belly. Waited to long for you, had to shit. After shit, no more paining all better now. Please please go I might catch fection from you then I start womiting." So we promptly left in disgust. Maybe we need to start charging these people that think of us as servants.